He-Said/She-Said: When’s the Right Time to Sleep with Someone You’re Dating?

Check out this He-Said/She-Said article that I did with Neely from thelovetrep.com

The question I posed to him is a common dilemma in the dating world: When’s the right time to sleep with someone you’re dating?

I appreciate how this conversation ended in a deeper understanding of men’s needs when it comes to dating and sex. Read through to the end to see what conclusions I came to based on this back-and-forth.

Mr. Locario: I think the right time to have sex with a guy you are dating is at least by the third date. You should not wait any longer, because the guy might start to lose interest in you or think that you are playing games and just using him for attention or for his money. Also, the guy you are dating is most likely dating other girls. If those other girls are having sex with him and you aren’t, he might start paying more attention to the other girls.

Neely: That’s a bit surprising to me. So…third date: That’s, say, three weeks of knowing someone. At that point, he’s practically a stranger. What do you know about a man and his intentions after such a short amount of time? Mostly, though, I’d like to respond to your “he might start to lose interest” comment. I teach women to have boundaries and to not do things that go contrary to their needs out of fear of losing someone. Sleeping with a man so quickly simply out of the fear that he’ll ditch you for someone else is the wrong way to go, in my opinion. Now, if a woman is comfortable with this sort of casual sex and can detach herself from the outcome, then I say more power to her. It’s about knowing yourself and what you’re comfortable with. If you can honestly say to yourself: “I’m not sleeping with this guy as a way to manipulate him or trade sex for love. I’m sleeping with him, because I really want to for the sake of my own needs, and I’ll be okay with whatever happens,” then go for it. If you can’t genuinely say that to yourself, then continue to wait until you’re in a more comfortable place, or until you’re more certain that he values you for more than just a roll in the hay.


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